As a Mother I Never Thought I Would... Part 4

This is my forth blog discussing the pre mother me; the woman with strong views and opinions about how one should parent. The realities of which have proved very different. Read n to find out more about the forth thing I thought I would never do as a mother, but now do all the time; shout!

The “pre-mother me” was simply going to set out the rules, rewards and consequences clearly. So that when my child misbehaved I could calmly explain that the behaviour wasn’t acceptable and indicate what behaviour I would like to see instead. They would then have a consequence (in our case, the naughty step). I would then tell my child I love them and then we would go back to baking.

Every day I still wish I could be more like this. But I am not. The truth is I have a temper anyway, I have never been an image of calm and serenity so to expect myself to turn into someone else was just unrealistic. Don’t get me wrong I have never smacked my child but I no longer judge those that choose to because I understand why people feel it is necessary. My oldest daughter who is 3 now tries to put me on the naughty step, so that just shows how well that’s working for us.

Children seem to have an innate inability to listen, especially when it comes to safety issues. Most of the time when I shout it comes from a place of fear. I don’t want my oldest child to pick her baby sister up by the neck, but after saying it calmly 100 times I do tend to lose my temper!

 It’s not something I like doing and I will keep trying not to but the reality is that it’s easier said than done at times.

Read next week’s blog for my fifth and final motherhood reality check before I set my self  the challenge to become the mother I  always wanted to be! 

As a Mother I Never Thought I would... Part 3

This is the third blog is a five part series, looking at my “failures” as a mother. Now, don’t get me wrong I don’t see them as failures or that I've failed (my girls are both under five, I have plenty of time to fail them yet!). The truth is that the reality of life as a parent is very different to our day dreams, and sometimes we do things and make decisions that we never thought we would.

The “pre-mother me” had many ideals that I don’t even disagree with, I strive every day to be better, as I think we all should, but this blog is simply recognition that us parents don’t always get it right, and  that’s OK. Despite what some mothers will have you believe, no one is perfect!

Today I will discuss healthy food or the lack of it at times!

I have never been the type of person to obsess over food, healthy or otherwise. I enjoy eating everything, whether it’s chocolate pudding or a Sunday roast. Somehow though I expected that the moment I got pregnant I would be the walking, talking image of health. My body would be a temple. Well, I could have thought of a few different words to describe my body when I actually was pregnant and temple was definitely not one of them! Once again reality taught me some important lessons, I was quite frankly just happy just to keep my food down!

I will say that my children are quite healthy. My oldest does eat sweets and chocolate and we have the occasional take away with her (my youngest is only just weaning so not ready for chips yet anyway – it won’t be long). The moment I shocked myself though was when I bribed my daughter to brush her teeth with the promise of a sweet as a reward. I couldn't believe I had said it but at that point it was the only thing I knew would work, so I did it. Ops!

In my next instalment I will discuss my worst crime… shouting!

As a Mother I Never Thought I Would... Part 2

In my last blog I introduced the concept of the pre-mother me, the young, naive and idealistic childless woman with very strong opinions about how I would and would not parent my future unborn children. I still hold these ideals but the reality of motherhood is that life isn't always as simple as the naughty step.

I plan to highlight the top 5 things that I never thought I would do as a mother. My last blog dealt with the issue of not following through. Check it out here http://lisabarrybooks.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/as-mother-i-never-thought-i-would.html Today I would like to address answering questions with “because I said so.”

It used to drive me mad listening to parents rolling their eyes and snapping this phrase. If you never explain to the little darlings why you expect them to do something how can you ever expect them to understand!? Once again I totally agree with “pre mother me.” However the reality is that by the time you have tried a hundred times to calmly explain the very obvious reasons why they shouldn't run in the road and they still respond with “Why” the only answer really left is “because I said so.” Every time I hear myself say it I cringe but time and time again I end up rolling my eyes and snapping this phrase! Next time I might just put myself in the naughty step!

In my next blog I will address the balance between healthy food and treats, a balance that I must admit I don’t always get right.

As a Mother I Never Thought I Would...

 I recently met with a friend of mine who has not had children yet. She is in the process of buying a house with her partner and is looking towards her future with excitement. As she imagines what her life as a wife and mother will be like I am sure she has many pre conceived ideas. If they are anything like mine were, most of them are probably wrong!

This got me thinking about the pre-mother me, all of the things I naively thought about motherhood and what sort of mother I thought I would be. In fact I had some very strong opinions about how I would parent and quite frankly I have probably made mistakes on all of them.

So as part of my blog I am going to outline a total of 5 things I never thought I would do as a mother. Today’s pre-mother me ideal is…

Always follow though

We are at the park. I’m chatting with my friends and the children are playing nicely burning off some energy. Bliss! It doesn't take long though for someone to have a tantrum. I used to watch other mothers use the threat “If you don’t behave we are going home” but then they would stay. The “pre mother me” was very judgemental about this. If you make a threat/promise it must be followed through at all times to show the children that you mean business, that there are consequences to their actions. Otherwise they will think they can walk all over you. Well yes I used to think this and to be honest I still agree with every word. Reality however means that threats come out of my mouth that I have no intention of keeping, in the vague hope they will have some sort of affect.  The “we will go home” is a classic but there are many more.  We all do it, after all Santa Clause is the ultimate empty threat. No matter how naughty my 3 year old was on Christmas Eve, Santa was always going to come to our house. Even though I told her countless times that Santa only goes to houses with good boys and girls who go to bed on time!

Next week I will think about another “pre-mother me” ideal; “Because I said so!”  

What to write?

When it was suggested I start my own blog I was puzzled, a little overwhelmed and I must admit: scared.  After all, who would want to read what I have to say?

So here is a little bit about me to help you decide if you may be interested in my ramblings…

I am just a normal British girl (can I still call myself a girl at 30?) I am married with two beautiful girls aged 3 years and 8 months.  I used to be a teacher, a play worker, a youth worker and a key worker at a comprehensive school. Currently though I am a freelance writer, aspiring author and of course a mother, wife and house maker!

I don’t vote, not because I don’t care about politics, I do. I just don’t care for the politicians. I have felt let down by broken promises and unwise, ill informed choices. I do definitely sit on the left side of the fence. In my younger days I was known to take part in protests – this though is a topic for another blog!

I am not religious; I never have been although I did go to a catholic school. For a long time I would have described myself as an atheist. However I will say, with age, the coming of motherhood and the influence of some very special people, I may not see life and death in such black and white terms any more. Although I don’t know how grey things really are.

One thing I know for sure is that I believe in life and living it with the biggest smile you can muster. What you give to life you will get back. Having a positive attitude about yourself and those around you (even those that you really want to hate!) will result in positive outcomes in your own life. I try to reflect these beliefs in my writing. I feel strongly that we need to take more time to teach children about finding happiness, about being truly grateful and embracing life with positivity. My children’s books all aim carry these messages.

So why would anyone want to read about what I have to say? Well I guess maybe because I hope to reflect what other normal people like me may think. I know for a fact that not everyone will agree with me, particularly those of you that sit on the right side of the proverbial political fence! But that’s Ok, life is about sharing. I will listen to what others have to say, this wasn't always my biggest strength, just ask my mother! But I am trying!

So what to expect from my blog… well to be honest I am learning as I go. But expect updates on my new writing career and observations about topical subjects such as education and those that affect families’ children and young people. Or simply expect the ramblings of a normal 30 year old girl!

Look out for Lisa Barry’s new fun rhyming books aimed at children aged 2 – 7. My New Space Bike and Stanley Brown Learns to Read. They will be available soon on Amazon.